A gorgeous woman came to see her doctor. “I am losing my memory, ” she complained. “I can’t remember a thing for longer than three or four minutes. What am I supposed to do? And can you help me?” she continued asking. “Take off your clothes and lie down,” said the doctor.
“My girlfriend is so ungrateful about orgasms,” the man shared with his close friend. “What makes you think so?” asked the friend. “Whenever I give her one, she immediately spits it out,” replied the man.
Women can be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
A man arrives at Ben Gurion International Airport with two large bags. The customs agent opens the first bag and finds it full with money in different currencies. The agent asks the passenger, “How did you get this money?” The man says, “You will not believe it, but I traveled all over Europe, went into public restrooms, each time I saw a man pee, I grabbed his organ and said,” Donate money to Israel or I will cut-off your p***s.” The customs agent is stunned and mumbles, “Well… It is a very interesting story… What do you have in the other bag?” “You would not believe how many people in Europe do not support Israel” the man says.
“Honey, would you like a Porsche for your birthday?” the husband asked his wife. “No, I don’t think so,” the wife replied.. “How about a diamond necklace?” asked the husband. “What I really want is a divorce,” said the wife. “Oh, I didn’t plan to spend that much money,” said the husband.
Delighted by his fortune, the handsome young man accepted the job as a private secretary to the beautiful, tall vice-president of the company looking like a super model, with a salary of $1.500 per week. When he arrived to work the next morning he was summoned to the executive office. He found out that his responsibilities also included making love to her. “I am so delighted that this might be part of my job,” he sighed when they had finished. “Well, here is fifty dollars for the past half hour,” she said, taking out the money from her purse. “And you are fired.”
The two men were sitting in a bar dring and chatting and all of a sudden started talking about sex. “Extramarital sex is as overrated as premarital sex,” said the first man. “And marital sex, come to think of it,” the second man replied.
A manand his young wife were in divorce court, and the custody of the their three children posed a problem. The mother said to the judge that since she brought the children into the world, she should keep custody of them. The husband also wanted custody, and the judge asked him to justify his request. After a long silence the husband slowly rose from his seat and said, “Your Honor, when I put money in a vending machine and a bottle of water comes out, does it belong to me or to the machine?”
The woman had never been in a relationship and never married left specific instructions in her will for her tombstone inscription. It was to read, “Born a virgin, lived a virgin, died a virgin.” Knowing there were no survivors to complain, the stone cutters were lazy to follow instructions in the woman’s will. The never married woman’s tombstone read, “Returned unopened.”‘
The young woman made a successful contact and as a result was offered a speaking role in a Western movie.The first day according to the script she was thrown from the horse into a clump of trash. On the second day, she had to jump from the cliff into a mountain stream, with all her clothes on fire, and swim to the shore. On the third day, she was cuffed around by a villain, and the scene was shot during quite some time because the director looked for realism. What happened on the fourth day demanded quick actions. Wearly, she managed to limp to the producer’s office. “Who do I have to sleep with in order to get out of this picture?” she asked with eyes full of tears.