“My sex life has improved immediately since my wife and I got twin beds,” the man confided to his best friend. “How can that be?” asked the best friend. “Well, hers is in San Diego, and mine is in San Francisco,” replied the man.
The man was so ashamed of his small penis that he couldn’t bring himself to have sex. But he finally met a woman who was too irresistible, he winded up in bed with her. He warned her about his size, but she removed his shorts and said, “Oh, I’ve seen much smaller than that.” “Really?” the relieved man said. “As a senior registered nurse, I used to work in the maternity ward,” she replied.
On their wedding night the bride asked the groom, “How many women did you go to bed before we met?” He looked at her and smiled. After long silence, feeling uncomfortable, she asked, “Are you angry?” “No, I am still counting,” he said.
When the wife found out that her husband had a mistress, she demanded to know, “Does it mean that you have had enough of me?” “No, it means that I haven’t had enough of you,” the husband coolly replied.
The three close friends were in a bar and started talking where they liked their wives to be during sex. “Of course, on the bottom as God intended,” said the first friend. “I see nothing wrong with the woman being on the top,” replied the second friend. “I prefer my wife to be out town,” the third friend remarked.
Before retiring on his wedding night, the young minister turned to his bride and murmured, “I’m going to pray for guidance.” “My dear,” his wife answered patting him. “I’ll take care of the guidance. You pray for endurance.”
The two young men, both expectant fathers, nervously paced the floor in the waiting room of a maternity hospital. “What tough luck,” grumbled one of them. “This had to happen just during my vacation. “You think you have got troubles,” said the other young man. “I’m on my honeymoon.”
The young woman called the gynecologist office and asked for an immediate appointment. When she arrived, she was taken into the examination room. The doctor came in and asked about her problem. The young woman was very shy, and then said, “Please, examine me.” “To remove the vibrator is an expensive, lengthy and delicate surgical operation,” the doctor said after completing the examination. “I’m not sure I can afford it,” sighed the young woman. “But could you,” she paused for a few seconds, “replace the batteries while I’m here?”
The woman walked into a drugstore. “Do you sell extra-large condoms?” she asked the person behind the counter. “Yes, we do. How many would you like to buy?” he asked. “I will wait around until someone else buys,” the woman said.
The two men were in a bar drinking and talking. “By the way, I like your new suit,” said one man. “Thanks,” said the other man. “It was a surprise present from my wife. I came early last night and found it hanging in bedroom.”