True Jokes.

What goes out black and come in white?

Black cows in a snowstorm.

 

What bird is always around when there is something to eat or drink?

A swallow.

 

What lands as often on its tail as onits head?

A penny.

 

What kind of umbrella a rich person carries on a rainy day?

A wet umbrella.

 

Why does a stork stand only on one leg?

Because if he lifted it, he would fall down.

 

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Still More Snake Jokes.

What did the tamer say to the angry snake?

Don’t get hiss-terical.

 

What kind of snake is on the front of the car?

A windshield wiper.

 

Why should not you grab a snake’s tail?

It is only her tail, but it can be your end!

 

What do you call an overactive snake?

A hyper viper.

 

What was the little snake’s best subject in school?

Hiss-tory.

 

What front page article Scaly Daily newspaper publish?

Snakes Strike Back!

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Still Much Much More Warm Up Jokes.

What gets around everywhere?

Belts.

 

How do you make a lemon drop?

Hold it and then let it go.

 

How can you double your money?

Look at it in a mirror.

 

What is the science of shopping?

Buy-ology

 

What has fifty heads and fifty tails?

Fifty pennies.

 

What do you draw without a pencil and paper?

A window shade.

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Much Much More Warm Up Jokes.

What has two hands and no arms?

A clock.

 

What piece of wood is like a king?

A ruler.

 

What do children make that cannot be seen?

Noise.

 

What kind of table has no legs?

A multiplication table.

 

What cap is never removed?

A kneecap.

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Practical Jokes.

What has eyes that cannot see, a tongue that cannot taste and a soul that cannot die?

A shoe.

 

What is easier to give than receive?

Criticism.

 

What happens to the clocks when their time is up?

They stop..

 

What has a bottom at the top?

A leg.

 

What is the last thing you take off before  you go to bed?

Your feet off the floor.

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Still More Beaver Jokes.

What is a beaver’s tail for?

Balance the body.

 

Who built lodges in the area?

The team of beavers.

 

Who are herb beavers?

Animals that eat plants.

 

How do beavers make their fur waterproof?

By oiling it.

 

How do beavers talk in water?

With their tails.

 

Why are beavers good plumbers?

They know how to fix a leak.

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Still Much Much More Skunk Jokes.

How do you know the way skunks went?

Go the odor way.

 

What did the baby skunk want to be when he grew up?

A big stinker.

 

When should you feel sorry for a skunk?

When his spray is out of order.

 

Why arent the jokes about skunks very popular?

Not many want to hear about stinks.

 

Why shouldn’t a skunk be shortchanged?

Because he is bound to make a stink.

 

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Much Much More Fish Jokes.

Where is the best place to see a man-eating any size fish?

In a seafood restaurant.

 

What is quicker than a fish?

The one who catches it.

 

First Person: How is the fishing here?

Second Person: It’s fine, no complaints.

First Person: How come you haven’t caught anything?

Second Person: You asked about the fishing, not the catching.

 

Why don’t fish go on line?

Because they are afraid of being caught in the net.

 

What kind  of doctors make fish look beautiful?

Plastic sturgeons.

 

What’s the eel’s favorite card game?

Glow Fish.

 

Why are fish terrible in playing tennis ?

They are afraid to be too close to the net.

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Much More New Farm Jokes.

Why are goats so funny?

Because they are kidding around.

 

Why does a stock stand on one leg?

Because if he took both legs off the ground he would fall.

 

When is the best time to milk a cow?

When she is in the moo-d.

 

Why is the letter K like a pig’s tail?

Because it comes at the end of pork.

 

What happened when the farmer fell down the well?

He kicked the bucket.

 

What size are very large eggs?

Eggs-tra large.

 

What toe doen’t grow on a corn?

Mistletoe.

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Still More New Farm Jokes.

Why was the chicken always in trouble?

He used the fowl language.

 

What kind of key was hard to use?

Tur-key.

 

Why do cows eat green grass?

Because they cannot wait for it to ripen.

 

What do you call a cow that can’t produce milk?

An udder failure.

 

Do smart chicken go to school?

Of course! How else they can think we get Grade A eggs.

 

What kind of salad do horses eat?

Colestraw.

 

What do you call the cow that can’t have a calf?

Decaffeinated.

 

Why should you never tell a secret in a cornfield?

Because corn has ears and cornstalk.

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